A 'church' is living out of OOOO?!

Maybe the guideline is pretty simple.
Just ask, "Is my 'church' existing for her own benefit?
or it is existing for some greater good?"
Based on the answer, you decide what you can do to "support" your 'church'.

If you exist for your own benefit, then who will need you?
When you exist for someone, then someone will welcome you.
So, you can ask, "Why is this church living?"
or, "What is the motivation of this 'church'?"

God loves your church.
and maybe because he loves her so much
he is allowing the period of purification
Only genuine will remain; lies will not last

So, we should thank God for the challenge...

I am living out of FEAR!?

If you are confused, let's examine why do you want to live...

Why did you choose to start living the life which you have been living?
What are you living your life for?
In other words, what is your motivation to live the life that you have been living?

Is it out of your selfishness?
Is it out of your self-satisfaction?
in seeking your self-righteousness?

or, is it out of your genuine heart
to give joy to someone? "genuine" heart, I mean

When you live your life long enough, then things might get habitual
or, out of duty, obligation, guilty-conscience, FEAR, etc.
Yes, FEAR!
What are you so afraid of?

If you don't do what you do now, what do you expect will happen to you?
some evil ghost will come and attack you?
or, some people may get hurt/killed because of your "faithlessness"?
or, your ancestors will be hurt looking at your "faithless" actions?
or, your descendants might dig your grave because of your "faithless" choices?
Why these fears seem to be preventing you from seeing from common sense viewpoint?
as if you are becoming a member of some "cult" organization?

If it is "cult" it won't last too long.
Your common sense perspective should agree with this.

So, examine why you are living.
Don't be afraid to admit it is out of "fear".
Nothing wrong to realize that
You may need some courage to face it and admit it
but you will gain more than you will lose

And anyway, I believe your God will be happy about it, and he will even be proud of you!

YOU are the cause of the challenge!

In general...

Once you proclaim something in public, such as "I will do OOOO.", then surely someone will come and ask you, "Can you really do what you said you would do?"
Of course you will answer, "Yes, I said I would do it, so I will do it."

Then surely he will say, "Ok, then how about this case, how about that case?" I mean, "What if this happens, will you still do what you said you would do?" "What if that happens, will you still do what you said you would do?"
Thus, he will not just ask you verbally, but he will put you in the situation with such questions
just as in the case of Job in the Bible

And I believe this is why so many challenging things are happening in our lives
It is because you "proclaimed" --or, you said that you will do something. (which he may not like to see happening for some reason--however, he longs to see it happening deep inside in fact...)

Therefore, as long as you said it, the only option for you seems to be, "just stick to what you said and never give up, nor, change your mind." and in the process you will be proving yourself.

If you don't change, then there will be a time your opponent has to change and admit, "I like what you do. (and thank God for you!)"

Thank God for the red light

I normally am not too excited about getting stopped by the red light. However...
when I was stopped this morning, suddenly one beauty of the changed color of the leaves just caught my eyes.
and I was awed by its beauty
and I realized that there are always things to be appreciated in every moment
which I must have missed--so many of them
because I just didn't like the red light

But why do I not like the red light?
It is because I have a destination to go, and the red light will prevent me to get there early enough
So, that's something I might need to examine.
Why do I want to get there that early enough (do I really...?)
Maybe not, so maybe the red light is not really something against my purpose
I don't need to be so negative about red light

Maybe because I am too much caught up with one goal (kind of vague understanding about one goal), which might prevent me to see things from different perspectives, causing me to lose many chance to appreciate things

and besides that, the red light might even be protecting me from getting into any possible trouble

Anyway, the red light at least this morning prompted me to think about what to appreciate
so, thank God for the red light!

How you can develop your personal experience with God

Well-organized theory is one thing, your own personal experience is another.

You could develop your theology to explain about things in order to bring certain conclusion. That theology might look pretty much make sense.
Somebody else could develop his theology to bring totally opposite conclusion. That theology might look pretty much make sense, too.

Therefore, more than worrying about some explanation, you need your own personal experience about things, particularly your own personal experience with God.

Here's how you can have your own personal experience with God:

You need to practice giving yourself to larger others, as genuinely as possible. Through this practice, you may develop your own personal experience with God. Why?

You could develop your own theology for this :-) but my belief is: God is the one who totally gave himself, therefore, unless I do the same, in other words, without common base, it would be difficult to have meaningful experience with him.

And without this, I believe your experience with God will rely on miracle or some superhuman intervention only.

I believe those things are also important, but you shouldn't just rely on them, but you need to initiate to have your personal experience by giving yourself first.

Needless to say, though, there is no "guarantee"...