I am living out of FEAR!?

If you are confused, let's examine why do you want to live...

Why did you choose to start living the life which you have been living?
What are you living your life for?
In other words, what is your motivation to live the life that you have been living?

Is it out of your selfishness?
Is it out of your self-satisfaction?
in seeking your self-righteousness?

or, is it out of your genuine heart
to give joy to someone? "genuine" heart, I mean

When you live your life long enough, then things might get habitual
or, out of duty, obligation, guilty-conscience, FEAR, etc.
Yes, FEAR!
What are you so afraid of?

If you don't do what you do now, what do you expect will happen to you?
some evil ghost will come and attack you?
or, some people may get hurt/killed because of your "faithlessness"?
or, your ancestors will be hurt looking at your "faithless" actions?
or, your descendants might dig your grave because of your "faithless" choices?
Why these fears seem to be preventing you from seeing from common sense viewpoint?
as if you are becoming a member of some "cult" organization?

If it is "cult" it won't last too long.
Your common sense perspective should agree with this.

So, examine why you are living.
Don't be afraid to admit it is out of "fear".
Nothing wrong to realize that
You may need some courage to face it and admit it
but you will gain more than you will lose

And anyway, I believe your God will be happy about it, and he will even be proud of you!