You will hear what you want to hear and disregard the rest...

"...all lies and jest still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest, mmm...."
A phrase from the "Boxer" by Simon and Garfunkel

I think we have already decided what we want to hear, and we will hear what we want to hear and somehow do not hear what we do not want to hear... this is really true!

Thus, the ability required of us is: even though we have decided what we want to hear, can we still be able to hear what we do not want to hear? If you lack this ability, do not even expect that the conflict will be over one day. That's just a self-deception.

First you need to try to hear what you do not want to hear even though you have decided what you want to hear. Oh, even before that, first you have to realize and admit that you already have decided what you want to hear. No more self-deception, please.

Then, the next thing you should do is to examine the content of what you have decided to hear. Is that conclusion really valid? or, is it not too early to come up with that judgment? That's the moment you really need to be humble before the truth. Surely it takes courage to be humble, or it takes "love" to be humble. And that's the moment you might realize what you lack.

I believe this would greatly help to solve the communication breakdown. That's why we often need some negotiator who could help both sides to practice this. So, what's the next thing...

Now ask yourself, "Are you not that negotiator? or, do you need to wait for another?"